Showing posts with label all things Canadian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label all things Canadian. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

To serve clam

Author's note: Phallic clams--a perfect topic for Valentine's Day. Reposted to this blog on February 14, 2018.

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And the hard-hitting Canadian news keeps on . . . erm . . . comin' . . . .

I can't decide which is the more unsettling aspect of this article from CBC News--

That there is a "phallic clam" inhabiting the waters off the British Columbia coast. Wasn't enough that feet kept washing ashore--now we have to worry about penises?!

That they served said clam to the Royal couple, Will and Kate (pardon me, William and Katherine), on their recent visit to Western Canada.

That the clam's name is pronounced "gooey-duck."

That the Vancouver Aquarium has an executive chef.

Actually, I think it's the latter that is the more worrisome. No matter how you, uh, slice it, there's just something unseemly about creating recipes from the creatures you're committed to helping survive. It's like that old episode of The Twilight Zone, "To Serve Man."



Watch out Nemo and Dory, it's a cookbook!

Appropriate that a Canadian actor, Lloyd Bochner, is on the menu.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

You know you live in Canada when . . .

Author's note: Reposted to this blog on February 11, 2018.

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. . . one of the local supermarket chains (Sobey's) is promoting the serving of "game day poutine" for the Superbowl.

Better idea: Skip the football game, keep your regurgitated nachos, and just pass me a steaming plate of French fries, brown gravy, and cheese curds, better known as the snack food of the Gods, also known as poutine.

Which is Quebecois French for "kiss my maple-flavoured buttocks, gringo." At least that's what it says in the citizenship prep test booklet.



Tuesday, February 2, 2016

The Dead Rodent Society

From the Weather Network Canada, 29 January 2016.
See the full article here.
Author's note: Republished to this blog on February 10, 2018.

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Newsflash from the Weather Network Canada: Canadian groundhog, Winnipeg Willow, does a runner days before Groundhog Day.

Sometimes even I don't have the words.

Although when I posted this to Facebook recently, many a friend did have the words.

My favorite was, "So how's that socialized medicine working for you now, rodent?!" from my friend B.I.

Nonetheless, there were other pithy remarks about how at least in Pennsylvania they knew enough to have a "strategic groundhog reserve" of three or more of the buggers in case Punxsutawney Phil decided to make a break for that great pile of chucked wood in the sky at an inopportune moment.

I could draw some unfavorable comparison between Canadian and American understandings of show business, but let's be charitable on this marmotous momentous occasion. After all, Willow found out that the shadow she saw was death.

We are all weeping and woeful for Winnipeg Willow.

Woah.

Monday, November 9, 2015

In the morning



Author's note: Republished to this blog on February 10, 2018.

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Canada's own The Good Lovelies with "In the Morning."

Happy Monday, universe.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Bye American

Future Shop in Edmonton, Alberta; created by
Caldorwards4; CC BY-SA 3.0
Author's note: This was reposted to this blog on February 10, 2018.

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Living in Canada means I no longer know how to shop "American."

Target doesn't exist in Canada. It failed grandly in an ill-conceived entry into the Canadian market over the last couple of years, fraught with corporate stupidity it would seem. Too many stores, too quickly, without the merchandise and prices that Canadians expected, which they travel to the U.S. to buy at Target.  

(Editor's note: I've seen estimates that 75% to 90% of Canadians live within 100 miles/160 kilometers of the U.S.-Canada border.)

Weirdly, WalMart SuperCentre (and I do mean centre) is a lot like Target. The stores are tidy, clean, well-organized, and well-stocked. The staff is generally helpful, too. Now, suddenly, because it's the Canadian Target, I think it's OK to shop there.

WalMart has its own clothing line called George, which I don't remember from the U.S. WalMart. However, I used to avoid WalMart at all costs. "People of WalMart" and all that.

Even big upscale malls like Square One in Mississauga have WalMarts. They might have Targets, too, if Target hadn't flamed out.

Macy's doesn't exist, but Sears (yes, Sears) seems like a Macy's at a second-tier mall. Sears has a Clinique counter, which I don't think is the case in the U.S. At home, Sears and J.C. Penney's seem to vie for a no-shopper's land between Macy's on the one side and Target and WalMart on the other. Albeit unsuccessfully: I just feel like Sears and Penney's don't know who they are anymore. There's a niche market between the two, but they can't define it. Personally, I'd figure out a way to outdo Macy's in some markets--Pennsylvania for one, which doesn't have Dillard's, only Boscov's in some areas. (I adore Boscov's, by the way, and missed it terribly when I moved away from Central PA.) An upscale version of Target is probably the best option at this point. Otherwise, you're facing a Montgomery Ward's future.

Hudson Bay Company (aka The Bay/La Baie) seems like a higher-end Macy's (aka Macy's when it was special/before it took over the world). Holt Renfrew and Ogilvy are more like Saks and Nordstrom as far as I can tell. In other words, although the clothes are beautiful, I'm not worthy. Saks is planning to open stores soon in Toronto; I would imagine Nordstrom will follow, but, personally, I'd be happier with a Dillard's or a Boscov's.

I'm waiting for Simons to open at Square One. It's one of my favorite Montreal-based stores, one with beautiful housewares and often lovely, affordable clothes, none of which I can fit into anymore. But still, it's nice to dream.

Future Shop was Best Buy, but we do have Best Buy in Canada. So Future Shop is now Circuit City. Only the signs and square footage remain.

In Canada, you can buy decent clothes at Canadian Tire and at Loblaws (grocery store chain) superstore. I have a hard time wrapping my head around this, the same way I do at the thought of buying clothes at Costco, Kohl's, or Target. This makes me realize how class-influenced shopping is in the U.S. Or at least how class-influenced I am.

There are a zillion supermarkets, at least in and around Toronto: No Frills, Sobey's, WalMart, Food Basics, Whole Foods, Metro, Loblaws, FreshCo, Longo's, Giant Tiger, and more, not to mention hundreds of smaller markets, many of them catering to Toronto's various ethnic groups. (But not Americans and Southerners as far as I can discern.) So far, I like No Frills, Sobey's, and WalMart. The No Frills in my area is referred to as the "ghetto one" by *some* people I know (not me but Cairo), but it's actually my favorite. There's a crazy variety of fruits and vegetables, many of them more common to Caribbean and Indian cuisine, reflecting the cultural reality of my part of the GTA. And, thus, for a brief moment, I can transport myself back to shopping at HEB in San Antonio, where Mexican fruits and vegetables were quite common, more so than the standard "Anglo" ones. While the Giant Eagle in Pittsburgh rarely sold cilantro, the HEB in San Antonio often sold out. Which speaks volumes about the "quality" of Pittsburgh cuisine. That is to say, if you love that Eastern European root vegetable diet that your babushka used to make, you're in so much effin' luck in da Burgh.

May I never, ever return, except for the occasional visit to see friends and old colleagues.
 
As far as I know, there's no CVS, no Eckerd, no Rexall, no Walgreens in Canada. Shopper's Drug Mart is the big pharmacy chain, at least in English-speaking Canada. (I think Quebec has a very just-like-in-France-branded Pharmaprix or Uniprix chain. Paris on the St. Lawrence. I'd be there if I could.) The Shopper's Drug Marts have a branch of Canada Post in many locations so that you can buy stamps and mail stuff even on Sunday's. However, daily mail delivery open happens Monday through Friday; there is no Saturday delivery in Canada.

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I share all this because I spent part of a recent Saturday trying to buy a phone case and laptop bag and had absolutely no idea where to do so.

I couldn't find the Best Buy, discovered that Future Shop was indeed closed despite the huge sign out front, perused some overpriced shirts at the Bay ($118 CAD for a Ralph Lauren--which means I'm going to wait for a "Bay Days" sale before investing heavily in new clothes), mailed a package at Shopper's Drug Mart, bought a Canada "XpressPost" regional mailing envelope for my passport renewal application (one of my many must-dos as part of the resettlement process)--and finally ended up at WalMart and bought most of the stuff on my list.

Which is fitting because I would have normally gone to Target for this stuff anyway.